Ambiguity, uncertainty, messiness.
2020 feels like a year full of this, revealing how each of us handles ambiguity and uncertainty.

Do we cling to what can control?
Do we assume nothing we do makes a difference?
Or do we walk somewhere in the middle of the mess?

Ambiguity is hard for me. I like concrete answers, certainty, closure, so this year has been challenging, revealing how life isn’t like a math problem, which you can solve. Instead, there are twists and turns, so much unknown with things left undone and words left unspoken. We can’t control everything, but we can control some things. Knowing which is which is hard. And the answer is not the same for all of us.

It can be hard to walk in this space and so we need grace for one another. And we need to be gentle with ourselves. For me, knowing that God is ultimately in control is helpful. And while I still need to use wisdom, this gives me some freedom. But it’s not easy.

Lately, this ambiguity has been getting under my skin. My mind churning, looking for certainty, closure, exact answers. But I’m finding that I need to learn to live in the in between, in the discomfort of not knowing, at least for now.

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.”
-1 Corinthians 13:12

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