How do you react when faced with ambiguity? 

Some ask lots of questions, leaving open many doors and many perspectives. 

Others close all doors around them and dig their heels into one perspective. 

Neither is correct. Neither is incorrect. To be fair, as one with a higher tolerance for ambiguity, I may be biased though.

This year has been brimming with uncertainty. And in the midst of it, I’ve seen many dig their heels in. And to be honest, a part of me wishes I could do the same. 

But instead, I examine things from every angle, seeing loose threads in the narratives that I can’t help but pull. And so, I tug and tug, until I pull the whole thing apart. And I’m left with nothing. 

Why the compulsion to pull though? Maybe I’ve been lying to myself, thinking that I am comfortable with ambiguity. Maybe the need to pull the loose threads is actually born from my need for certainty, to have a perfect complete understanding. And yet, time and again, when I pull those strings, I end up left with nothing. And I remember that I don’t know much of anything and that terrifies me. Because for me, knowing bring comfort and security. 

And yet, somewhere inside, I realize I can’t know. I realize that I need to surrender this need to know. I need to lean into faith as “faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1).

I may not be able to know and understand God’s ways. And in fact, sometimes life circumstances leave me angry, sad, and confused. But I do know God and His character. He is gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. And so, I am trying to rest in that knowledge.